Marcio's Story, Promundo and some Antillean Resonances

A short film about Marcio a favella dweller in Rio de Janeiro by the Brazillian international NGO Promundo,  who work with men and boys on issues of gender based violence and paternal care.

Whilst something of an idyllic praise song of Promundo's work and one man's journey towards fatherhood - this father-wound to fatherhood tale certainly repeats itself in Dominican men's narratives of fatherhood.

Determined like Marco and others in his community not to do to their children as their fathers did unto them, many men in Dominica are keen to share their stories of fathering - for which they receive little public recognition -  with me, an ethnographer,  and learn more about becoming a good father in the small number of father's discussion sessions CariMAN Dominica have held in conjunction with various secondary schools and Dominica Planned Parenthood island-wide.

This very word - determination - to become the image of the fathers they often didn't have, renders a large portion of the contemporary generation of men in Dominica as receptive as Marco and his peers in their engagement in such discussions. However in Dominica, distrust and suspicion of others in your community who might maliciously 'speak your business' to others in defamatory ways and use any personal disclosures against you, renders many men weary of engaging in such discussions. However, when the setting is right and the atmosphere a comfortable one, discussion can be fruitful and participants overcome such doubt.







PROMUNDO's website:
 http://www.promundo.org.br/en/about-us/introduction/

'Men have children too'

A fascinating piece by Jamaican columnist, social commentator and CariMAN member on the gender laden language that frames reproduction in Jamaica. 

I observe a similar use of the words 'get' and 'have' which are embedded in gendered inequities of child care in Dominica too.

Valorized idioms of male movement describe the pursuit of women ('go behind', 'make a break') and male sexual conquest ('pass around') , but then once a woman falls pregnant and she 'gives' a man a child (assigns paternity) she is sometimes accused of giving him a 'jacket' (child that is not his) or cynically falling pregnant intentionally in order to to 'hold' or 'chébé' him. 

However in Dominica the term 'make' - I.e. 'to make chil'ren' - is a term applied to both men and women. It can refer to women individually - to mean bearing and birthing a child - eg, 'when I first make my chil'ren'. Or it can be a cooperative act of reproduction involving men, who 'make' children too. Although much less common, a man could similarly say 'when I first make my chil'ren', or 'I make my first chil' with'. Although, more gender neutral in terms of who uses it, the frequency with which the term 'make' is used tends to be much higher amongst women. This too is evident of the kind of unequal gendered norms Ellis highlights. Thus, in Dominica, men 'get', women 'give' and they both - though unequally - 'make' children.

Ellis provides excellent sociolinguistic food for thought in this short piece from the Jamaican Star:

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Men have children too

By OWEN ELLIS, Contributor

MOST JAMAICAN MEN make a point of distinguishing between the words 'have' and 'get' when referring to their children, and it is not a good practice. Even though it's obvious that it is their female counterparts who have the burden of the nine-month excess weight and the agony of labour, my male friends from other parts of the world seem to have absolutely no problem saying "we're having a baby!" or "I have two kids".

Jamaican men however, refuse to use the word 'have' to indicate their involvement in the process. "Is seven pickney me get!" says the big man, as he beats his chest and downs another glass of liquor. Smiles of admiration and grunts of praise fill the bar. Another guy, sipping from a can of fruit juice, says "I have four" and immediately becomes the victim of a verbal mobbing from all the men gathered. Even the female bartender gets involved. "Man stop the damn chupidness! Yu a woman? Is woman have pickney!"

Most Jamaican men appear to agree that it is important to make a very clear distinction: "we get youth, we nuh have dem!"

Men have no problem saying "I have a car" or "I have ambition" but children, no we get them. I think that is a load of male bovine crap! When we say men "get" children, we seem to be suggesting that the men have nothing to do with the process.

"I siddung here innocently minding mi own business when all of a sudden I just get a youth!" It may seem like a petty issue but it is not. The idea that women "have" and men "get" children helps to perpetuate the harmful notion that parenting responsibility is the sole prerogative of women, and men are just hapless victims who "get ketch". This is really not fair. It is especially unfair in a context where men put so much effort in trying to get women into bed, and put so much value on number of children. You work so hard to impregnate a woman then tell me that you 'got' a child? How? A raffle draw and your name call?

Or maybe it was a drive-by. Some wicked women pass and let loose a barrage of pickney and you just salt and 'get' two.

One adherent to the nonsense tried to rationalise it by explaining that the word 'have' means that you carry the child in your womb. Which dictionary tells you that? So when that same man turns to me and says "I have a brand new bike" does that mean that he gave birth to the bike? Nonsense!

We need to deconstruct some of these terminologies which only help to reinforce gender inequality. Every child that is born came into the world because a man and a woman did something together. OK, I know these are modern times and all kinds of technologically advanced methods are there so women can get pregnant all by themselves if they so desire.

But in a case where two people had sexual intercourse and a child is conceived, both are equally responsible. So please stop the rubbish. Women have children, and men have children too.